EXam anxiety!! hahaha

Exams are coming!!! gosh, time really flies. It just whoosh passed me, without even blinking! oh dear...... Decided to take a short break to key in a simple post on my reflection (*actually secretly, i am taking a lot of short breaks today. ThAT IS GOING TO STOP TML!)

Watched the channel 8's 从心开始 today. It was a touching and overwhelming show to watch actually. People, or rather, victims went on the show live to tell their stories. These are people who have suffered silently all these years with no help/minimal help given to them. All their life stories were rather heart wretching. And it broke mine today to see the young woman been broken into pieces. She was raped when she was only 7, got pregnant at 13. Subsequently, she was raped again. First, was by his dad's friend (such a monstrous act...). Then she was raped repeatedly by her brother's 2 friends.

I believe anyone who went through this kind of moments wont be able to survive, mentally or physically. She is strong. I believe she is, in order to live till today (although she had attempted suicides several times). But it was rather evident in her eyes that she is still haunted by her memories of such thing. The only redeeming thing that came out of all these happenings was that she managed to find, her current husband, the one and only guy who accepted her for who she was and has never regret his decision to marry her. He stood by her all these while, and even took care of her mother who has severe bouts of depression. Life is hard for them all. Life is never easy, and each and every one of us has a different destiny. This fact remains.

She is going to take a long time to recover. But i hope she does. She deserve some love, some happiness of her own after what had already been taken from her. Her childhood, her first love, her dreams, her courage. All that is left, is just a skeleton, a soul so broken that it will definitely take time to heal. Not even completely heal. Some wounds never heal, some may heal but not completely, some heal leaving scars behind. But she has took the first step towards healing. Kudos to the social worker name Patricia who has been helping her all along.


It took courage, i meant serious courage and guts to come out and talk about her past. I just hope, life will treat her better now. Everybody needs a second chance at living.















A simple sunny day has different meanings for people who look at it, at different time of the day, at different location. Just like how people with different backgrounds will look at it in a different way as well.




Life is fragile. Nothing could be simpler than this.

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I am really not behaving like my usual self today. Got irritated at myself for all the bad stuff that i did and said today. First, my laptop gave up on me. It decided to get hang early in the morning. Actually, it wasn't really hang, but just that it could not log into my window. I WONDER WHY? Maybe I downloaded too much stuff? Ok, i shall confess. I downloaded one software for my school project de. Actually, the software quite useless and i am still figuring out why the hell do we need to do all that for?! *ok enough whining here. Then i downloaded googleEarth again. I do have it initially, but i forgotten that my laptop was reformatted while in Norway, because my dear lappy decided to give up on me then. It was for the same project that i downloaded the 2 softwares!!! ROAR.

Ok, so i decided to give my laptop a chance to redeem itself. I tried and tried. Restart again and again. But it just wont barge. Hmm, the laptop is just as stubborn as its owner huh? Never Mind! I have decided i might just try again later.

Then, i couldnt study the whole day. Don't really know what i am doing also. Anyway, i told my sister to get me a pair of slipper. Any kind will do so long as I wont slip, because the one that i am wearing now, kind of give up on me too. sigh. Actually, somehow, i knew that my sister will forget to buy for me, but well i am still expectant.

I am kind of disappointed when she really forgot about it. And i admit, i am pissed at her for forgetting. Typical of her! And why cant she put in more effort to remember, just like how she remembered stuff to do for her boyfriend? I don't know to be sad, disappointed, angry, jealous, upset or anything!!

Somehow, i get the feeling that my family is kind of practical. All we know is to provide the basics to our family. Like Food, money, Shelter. There is'nt a thing call care or concern. BOO! I have been so irritated today that i screamed, i pissed off every single one of them with my words. AHA! so disgusted with myself but well, i cant do anything now. We all a bunch of proud people. Actually, i think under such living environment, i have became quite cynical. I saw a family of four this morning when i went jogging. They were going to have their breakfast together.

I thought cynically: 'How long will they be able to go to breakfast together? It will all end when the kids grew up. Things will change. Just like how mine change' Aiya, kids ma, at that stage, the parents will still do things together, making the family more united/cohesive. But then, when the problems come, nothing will stop the changes. Ok, so this is how a cynical person think.

Back to the problem of my lappy. I sort of promised to myself that if the laptop actually recover and let me retrieve and backup my files, i will start to study. Serious study.

Sh*t, this couldn't be more accurate than 4D ok! the Lappy signed into my window and i managed to backup all my files! woohoo!!! lucky lucky. But still, i have decided to bring it to 8 flag tomorrow because i don't think it can last any longer. Better to repair now while it is still under warranty.

ok, after saying so much, i am still upset with my sis. Maybe i shouldnt have. Well, i am entitled to feeling upset once in a while. *continue whining... Ever since, she got together with her current bf, I have never/near to never go out with her lor. Maybe much better this way. I can learn to be more independent, then next time, i won't need to rely on other people as much. Well, i figured i am quite independent now too, that i can go to lecture on my own, I do whatever i want to do. Shall continue like this.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.

Maybe that includes the families that u love and the friends that you love?

Tom Brokaw
It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference.

sometimes.. i wish......

if only i could be a normal person, a simple one, with no knowledge whatsoever. If only, i am living in the past, i would love to spend my time doing some farming :) The simplest kind of happiness is also the most difficult to reach and hold on to. Too many sacrifices have to be made in exchange of such simple life...

If only i could be a person with the capacity to love. Maybe i will be able to reach out to more people, help more people and be happy with who i am. Maybe i will be more confident to seek the happiness that i want. Maybe i will know what i want in my life. Maybe i will be a lot more truthful to my friends and family.

If only i could turn back time. Maybe i will change myself, and be a better person. Maybe, i wont even understand the need to set standards for myself. Sometimes, i just want a simple life. Maybe the simplest of all the simple wishes is the hardest to fulfill.... Maybe i am just greedy...

I will move on and be a normal person now... I shall be brain-washed, forget everything and start a new. I shall have the courage to move on, to forget, to forgive and to face everything.

i read somewhere in the book today and i felt that it is kind of true for all women, irregardless of who they are:

'sometimes, even the strongest women need arms to lean on'.

Even the strongest person will have his/her weakest moment. Maybe i should just accept this fact and learn to share. Maybe i will try. Maybe i wont. Maybe somewhere in me, i just find it hard to lean on another. Maybe, the independence/pride/whatever it may be, stop me from learning to lean on another.

I will try to learn, but this is the hardest of all. All of these are just part and parcel of growing up. Maybe someday, i will really grow up. :)

~Optimism and faith are what keeps us going~ lose both and i will lose myself too.....